It’s NPC day in Troika, bay-bee!
Random Table below! Feel free to skip ahead!
We’ve been hexcrawling around the Megamidden (coming soon from Melsonian Arts Council) with our Wednesday night crew. It’s been great playing Troika again. The party (an Epopt, Questing Knight, Dwarf, and two Vengeful Children) infiltrated the junkyard/tourist destination of Signora Spazzatura’s fiefdom. They proved their humanity to some Gremlins, partook in a Wild Rumpus or two, and banished the sheet-music-skinned Parchment Witch Skriptura. The Epopt died (RIP Limps), but was quickly replaced by an Exographer rescued from the Parchment Witch’s papier-mâché wicker man (viva Gimps). A good time was had by all!
On the GM side, the big hit of the night was Lady Spazzatura herself: a 6’10, 400-pound fashionista, hand-talker, and party animal, played at double-volume by yours truly. She was a blast to play, and the players seemed to love the character.
Nothing Beats a Good NPC
The experience got me thinking about how important a good NPC is. One of the best one-shots I ever played really hung on a single NPC, a hapless man named Lucky. His combination of pathetic longing and friendly goodwill hooked us into that adventure a lot stronger than any randomly generated hook would have. Gabriel shared a similar sentiment with me today: that NPCs are the lifeblood of a successful game, the prime source of character development for PCs, and the best window you can provide into your world-building.
It’s also a very easy thing to hand-wave, especially if you’re not a natural at falling into a character.
To help aid in fleshing out the world (and those random encounters of Megamidden Scavenger gangs), I wanted to put together a little list of freaks and weirdoes to encounter in your Troika game, loosely inspired by Adams, Pratchett, and Midnight Gospel. Perfect when you need a random shopkeep/survivor/starving local to populate your world.
d66 Fellow Travellers for Troika
11. Gustavo – President Gustavo to you! He won by a landslide! He won’t say what he’s the president of.
12. Mongo – Formerly Dr. Mongo. Tired of ungrateful patients. Now mostly interested in henchwork, goonery, and mooking.
13. Lucky – Cursed. Loses a finger whenever he complains about something.
14. Sandro – Looking for a lost Gremlin. Claims to ‘hunt by smell’.
15. Rigel DuPont – Judgmental, moralizing hypocrite. Snooty! Plasmic Core addiction.
16. John ‘the Faz’ Courderoy – Lifelong urchin. Convinced he’s about to be rich. Needs investment. Loves the Autarch.
21. Smoking Sally Straws – Acclaimed murderess and orator. Due to a surveying mishap and house numbering error, technically out of jurisdiction for all Troikan Courts.
22. Ms. Korbus – Taciturn. Lonely. Offended to be asked her personal details.
23. Polly Morae – Some people watch birds. Polly watches Eels. Sometimes she dresses as one, but that’s none of your business. Unless you like Eels too? Do you like Eels?
24. Candy Mountain – Replies to almost everything with ‘oh, yeah, eh?’ Probably not listening very closely.
25. Belinda – Only here because of the family business. Deep down, she longs to be a Monkeymonger.
26. Wendy – Technically dead. Held together by bandages and an ancient curse. She cannot truly die until she finds her true home.
Keep ’em coming!
31. Morgan Delaney – Knows all the best clubs. Do you like to party?
32. Cat Rolls – More of a dog person. Used to walk megadogs in Downgate Arches. Knows the aristocracy fairly well.
33. Meat Ship X – Not actually a person! More of an ambulatory, bipedal warship in the shape of a person, manned by republican ants. They dislike kings, but really hate queens.
34. Snoops McKenzie – Says they’re a journalist, but seems to be making up the medium they publish in. Hypercubic Electocasts? Weaponized Broadsheet Bombardments? Nonsense!
35. Red – Whatever happens to them? It was in their horoscope earlier that day. Resigned. Fatalistic.
36. Angel Gilot – A semi-famous painter, reduced to their current station by a misunderstanding involving performance art, an elephant, and one teeny little jailbreak that wasn’t really anyone’s fault when you think about it. They will paint you for spare change; this takes about four hours.
Do your weirdest voice!
41. Loose Brie – Martial artist and actor. His mentor told him to ‘be water’. He doesn’t know what this means, but is open to suggestions.
42. Loud Daniel – Former newscaster. Fired due to head-trauma-induced illiteracy and a resulting teleprompter mishap. Very loud voice.
43. Posca – A cockroach who annoyed a witch and was turned into a man as punishment. Scrappy little fellow, he has a shockingly successful side hustle in pest removal.
44. Flashy Fred Flornagon – He wants to wrap this up ASAP! He’s got a hot date tonight. It’s his first time entertaining a lover in Troika; he’s taking tips, if you know a good spot.
45. Lund – A driver of Golden Barges, now losing his eyesight. Desperately wants his old job back.
46. Rocky – Raised by wolves; educated by the commerce faculty. Calls himself ‘the beast’. Wants to sell you a subprime tranche of archaic financial instruments. He claims they’re only vaguely illegal, which is why they offer such high returns. Howls at the moon and stock tickers.
Almost there! Share this d66 table if you like it!
51. Sandra – A helpful soul. A real people pleaser. Unfortunately, she recently had a fairly serious weapon of mass destruction implanted in her chest. She’s really sorry, and she hopes it doesn’t go off or otherwise bother you during your conversation.
52. Rellendarindra – A wizard by hereditary right, she can’t actually cast any spells. Very insistent on being addressed properly. Sorceress, Wizard, and Magus are all acceptable, but other titles will enrage her!
53. Hattie – Hattie is always hungry. Wants to talk about the food before she eats it: where it was sourced, who cooked it and how, what the culture behind it is, etc. Can tell you a bit about the nearest place to eat.
54. Nighten Gail – Cursed! Incapable of speech, but can communicate any thought or feeling through music, if provided an instrument. Hostile to wizards.
55. Annie Ataraxia – Incapable of feeling worry. Worked in construction; claims she built ‘a half a this berg’.
56. Alice Hun – Formerly the most vicious and respected art critic in Troika. Forced to flee after running afoul of the Mime’s Union, she’s desperate for a chance to stretch her critical muscles.
The Final Six NPCs!
61. Scorcho Vance – The artist of arson! The first in fire and fashion! The best in the burn! Technically wanted by the law, but also frequently employed by them.
62. Sammy Circuits – Claims to be a Thinking Machine, and never you mind the human anatomy. Very worked up about robots’ rights. Loves friendly arguments with people, but becomes insanely angry at Thinking Engines they think might be ‘appeasers’.
63. Lane Lifpz – A star athlete, fifty years ago. Says they see a lot of themselves in you. Becomes confused during long conversations. They try to cover for this by offering hard candies.
64. The Chosen One – Picked at birth to be a hero. Cursed with Main Character Syndrome. Wishes they were unimportant, like you and your friends here. Just a real forgettable nobody. Wouldn’t that be nice?
65. Chooch – Chooch remembers a time before all this nonsense! You’re not one of those weirdos, are you? One of those weirdoes ruining this city? Chooch doesn’t have time for weirdoes. They’re too busy speaking in the third person and worrying about their collection of celebrity skin flakes.
66. Seven Blooms – Just a tourist. Not entirely sure how they got wrapped up in… whatever is happening here, but they’re having a great time. They’re very grateful for your part in making it all feel like an Authentic Troika Experience(tm). Here’s a little tip (d6 pence), and would you mind terribly asking your pal there to take a picture of us together?
That’s a d66 table, folks!
Hey, that’s the table! If you liked it, keep reading! We’ve got a bunch of Troika content on this here blog; one of my faves is this ‘what happened since you were last in the city’ table. Or check out Drawn from the Margins, a full-length adventure we did, or these Magic Rings for a more general fantasy TTRPG vibe.